So…. I finally lost it. Yeah “it” on Friday night. To my best friend’s, best friend. Make sense? Oh and get this my bestfriend and I were suppose to lose it to each other but then he got a fucking gf and I got lonelier. But there’s something you should know too, my best friend and I had feelings for each other before when we were fresh men’s and sophomores but I was too stupid and I fucked everything up. And truth be told I’d rather be with him than anyone else. He makes me happy, but she makes him happier. All just a fat mess right?
Oh, and when me and his best friend told him, he got soo pissed and said I should’ve lost it to someone I truly care for… But is he fucking kidding me?? The ONE guy I actually did, he turned me away! So there will never be anyone else really special to me. Not like him at least…
This is all just a big mess. I’m just a big mess.

But once again I’m left alone. Me Nd that guy don’t even want a relationship together we just had sex that’s all. And not gonna lie I just would rather have someone there to do it with, no feelings, no emotions. Just meaningless sex. Pls~

You know that feeling when you’re reading a book and you can just feel the main character. Like their actions were yours and their emotions suddenly touched your heart. When they’d cry a tear would slowly slip down your cheek and when they were happy you couldn’t help but smile in return?
Well that book, it changed me. I’ve learned to not stop. Not stop where I’m going and even if everyone looks down on me things are gonna be okay. Because she said they were gonna be okay. And Jeff did too. And even though you may not realize it, you’ll one day have a Nils in your life that will love you like you were Holly and will cherish every moment spent together. Sleeping in The Shack laying side by side connecting each others warmth and just embracing the moment.

You are loved, and you must learn to love yourself.